Complicated Gay Love

Gay Love & Romance The Complicated Gay Love blog has run its course. It brought my boyfriend & me closer together. It saved our relationship. It will be archived. Especially the poetry content. Gay Love & Romance blog is unrestricted. Not anonymous or secret. Anyone can enjoy the playlist of videos in blog form, peppered with poems & my  remarks. A multimedia gay blog of couples fictional & real life.

Are Tom and Greg a gay couple? They're close. They're cute. They spend a lot of time together. They sleep in the same bed, the same tent, the same car. They finish each other's sentences. They read each other's minds. They give presents and favors to each other. They touch each other with affection. Their bodies touch. If I saw them at a bar or at the park, I would assume it's a gay couple or friends with benefits. BUT they never kiss or hold hands. It's just me projecting. Wishful thinking. Based on the two videos I've watched so far, #5 and #6, Tom and Greg have a Bromance -- everything a romantic couple has except sexual love, except the romance.  In my heart I imagine it's romantic off camera. In my mind I realize it's friendship love, brotherly love. More precious. In these videos Tom and Greg travel to my part of the world. Rural Virginia USA. I recognized everything. Keep on traveling together.

"Where do I go when love has gone?" Brokeback Mountain music video.

Imagine your boyfriend has cancer. That's me. Prostate cancer. After watching this 5-minute clip video, I'm in half-sob. Hot flash from hormone blockers. My penis has shrunk. Erectile dysfunction. I feel so guilty my boyfriend is still with me almost 20 years. We don't live together. He's in the closet still as a senior citizen. How will it end for us?  I have a note in my wallet of emergency contacts -- my brother and my "friend". My phone number is on a note in his wallet. So, if something happens, we can visit each other in the hospital or attend the funeral. If someone cares enough to call. I need to snap out of sadness. Watching too many sad movies. Go for a long walk on a chilly day without a cloud in the sky. Six Minutes of Reassurance

Fan video. This 3-minute music video of clips is hotter than the actual movie. Like an extended trailer focusing on the couple and their emotional interactions. Timeless romance. My review of Bros   My preview of Bros Bros the movie

I know how we met How we stay together The greatest secret of romance Why we dance in the rain We break up and make up again Often in the same day  Butterflies flutter in my tummy When you touch my hand I hang on every word You toss out for fun You see my feelings are hurt A great big hug / You kiss my lips You are so sorry Love is so sensitive It's why we stay together We both have work to go to Neither one of us wants to We linger / We'll be late We don't have anymore sick days Another kiss / A tender word Remember how we met Forbidden love I can't forget At work it'll be hard to work All day I dream of you I don't care if I get fired I can live on love for a while What keeps you coming back Keeps me looking out the window Waiting for your car to arrive When you leave You wave goodbye Will my heart survive Until I see you the next time  I linger at the window  I know how we met How you stole my heart What keeps us together The time apart The Greatest Secret Of

Imagine your boyfriend won't return your calls. You go to his apartment. No answer. You break down the door. Your boyfriend has moved away. You sit down and cry in an empty apartment. I stopped saying, This is the most romantic gay music video ever. So many seem to be hotter than the ones before. (5-minute film)

  Take a chance. Say something. It matters that you met. Not how you met. How you stay together is the greatest secret of romance. (5-minute film)

You're the happiest girl in the world I'm the luckiest man in the land Love Heaven sent Express delivery On the porch We hold hands So happy are you So lucky am I Your fabulous eyes take me On a fantastic voyage Blue like the icy glacier Cross section of the earth Core mantle and the crust Wordplay foreplay assplay Your kiss is still on my lips Super duper love stupor Quick! Write another poem To immortalize this moment Before the memory fades away Before the wind carries it afar Replay the passion never to forget Confusing dialogue of old men half deaf Good thing I have a love blog To communicate foggy thoughts I could have simply said I Love You But a poem is more romantic A hundred kisses to say goodbye Until the next time So happy are you So lucky am I.

I can't tell you what to do But I can tell that I still smell you Musk and perfume Waft throughout the room Don't open the window Strong scent on the pillow I can smell you on my finger tips I can tell rough were the kisses  Your eyes told me  What I needed to hear You always know just what to wear I know how to disrobe you How to disarm you with my charms Make love with my heart I can't tell you what to do But I Can Tell that I still love you.

In this 15-minute film, Stillman paints portraits. He loses inspiration for a centerpiece in his upcoming exhibition in the big city. His boyfriend suggests he return to his hometown to be inspired by the great self-portrait Stillman remembers painting after his mom died. After 7 years he returns home. At first his dad doesn't recognize his own son. They have lunch. Dad asks if he has a girlfriend. Dad says, go ahead look for whatever painting in question. Finally he finds it in his dad's bedroom. It's not clear if Stillman completed the purchase of the 28-year-old restored boat he played in as a boy. The small boat is named Vera, which means Faith or Truth. On the dock looking out to sea, his mom's favorite spot, the boat smacking against the pier, the father sounds like he understands his son is gay. To be sure, Stillman says the three words a father never wants to hear -- Dad I'm gay. The father is in shock. Again they become strangers to each other. Stillman ret

What have I to say? You're the only one Who really knows me I've said it all before And so much more to relate By another name you are More seductive More attractive Like a stranger  The power of a word Like wearing a new outfit I see through Wordplay like foreplay I'm the only one Who sees the real you What else have I to say? For me You're The Only One.

Imagine your boyfriend is a closeted celebrity. A country music singer. You two sneak a few kisses on the street at night. A gang takes notice and bashes the both of you. A passerby films the violence and the kissing. They don't post it to the Internet. They give you a copy. You post it online. It goes viral. Now you're both famous. How does your boyfriend find out it's you trying to out him? Because you confess to him before he suspects. Powerful love. Now your boyfriend feels betrayed. You betrayed his secret. He knows you did it out of love. Being openly gay appears easy for you. In the long run he will heal. The secret won't be able to hurt him anymore. But you two won't be together anymore either. Sure subconsciously he wants to get caught. He takes wild chances. He wants to live authentic. There will be sacrifices. He will lose the angst that inspires the music that people love. He will lose other people he loves. His family and fans.  You're not supposed

In a wooden chair Here I sit Waiting for the sun to rise Early spring on Valentine's Day Mild weather in mid winter I may go for a drive That scenic byway again To my father's gravesite His birthday was February 10 One road connects us literally The highway is slow Compared to the interstate It's the way to go for time to think Figure things out Remember how it was What life is all about Nostalgia on the way up Recall the good times Forget the bad On the drive back Scenic byway made for daydreaming My mind wanders to romance A future brighter than possible I drive on autopilot Through small towns and crossroads On the way up I miss my dad I want him to know I found someone He loves me very much Fills my heart with joy I found happiness for years now I learned what life should be about I want my dad to know On Valentine's Day Four days after his birthday Always a heart-shaped cake The mind wanders to romance I found love and happiness.

"Yesterday when I was young  The taste of life was sweet Like rain upon my tongue  I teased at life as if it were a foolish game The way an evening breeze Would tease a candle flame The thousand dreams I dreamed The splendid things I planned I always built to last On weak and shifting sand I lived by night and shunned The naked light of day And only now I see How the years have run away Yesterday when I was young There were so many songs That waited to be sung So many wild pleasures That lay in store for me And so much pain My dazzled eyes refused to see I ran so fast that Time and youth at last ran out And I never stopped to think What life was all about And every conversation that I can recall Concerned itself with me And nothing else at all Yesterday the moon was blue And every crazy day Brought something new to do And I used my magic age As if it were a wand And never saw the waste And emptiness beyond The game of love I played With arrogance and pride And every flame I lit  S

It's no secret Sometimes I think of someone else  I close my eyes  At the moment of passion Instant of satisfaction I call it role play I call you by another name Sometimes I close my eyes I see love unrequited Ex-boyfriend broke my heart Old flames reunited Hot stud on the street They exist in my fantasy Here you are in my arms Two decades making love to you Something has changed again  Last time we made love My eyes stayed wide open They are for you only I close my eyes for those others In darkness and shame But last time was different Somehow the hottest mess ever made The luckiest hand ever dealt That's how I felt Eyes wide open  The well of inspiration is infinity Because love has divinity Divinely crafted from the start Expertly handled by the heart When I close my eyes I see the ghosts of memories Eyes wide open Here you are Seems like the first time Of all the times we made love The Last Time Was The Best Time Every time gets better You and I together The Last Time Was

I don't mind heartbreak It's the heartache that makes me Drink Another Beer Shed another tear Cry another river Say another prayer I'm betting I'm hung over Sweating I roll over In an empty bed Sun rises again Take another shower In the foggy window  A faded flower What causes heartache? You not being here Then what is heartbreak? The day you left me Drink Another Beer The break is in the past The ache is right now The pain is lasting The break hurt when it happened The ache gets worse as time passes Drink Another Beer Bottoms up in the afternoon Pop a top at bedtime Say another prayer Cry another river Shed another tear Drink Another Beer  I don't mind heartbreak It's the heartache That makes me wanna Drink Another Beer Say another prayer Shed another tear  Heartache makes me  Drink Another Beer.

Once upon a time in the mid 1990's In a faraway land called Canada At a gay bar named Remington's I got a lap dance On a weekend getaway With my boyfriend at the time  In the hot summer afternoon We drank beer at the bar Unbeknownst to us There was open stage for gogo dancers One in particular caught my fancy He wasn't a super model But boy was he my type! Cute cub / Hairy twink Creative nerd with moxie  On-stage he fornicated a pig effigy To completion During the performances We learned you could ask for a lap dance There are rules You keep your clothes on You don't kiss You don't touch his private parts You can touch every other inch Of his body I touched every centimeter They have the metric system  Twenty dollars per disco song In a private booth upstairs Where you two can carry on I told my boyfriend I'll be right back We're on vacation He should also get some action Mr Gogo Dancer agreed To give me a lap dance I said I know the rules I will respect the

I know exactly why we broke up He stopped respecting me My live-in boyfriend in the 1990's He couldn't take me seriously So he became bossy and naggy He taunted me dismissively As if I were a child Clean the apartment because His friends are coming over They're his friends It's his mess Basically we broke up  Over Dirty Dishes But really it was something else After I cleaned everything No change / No respect I'm a joke How long before I would go? It didn't used to be this way How could I prevent the breakup? Never argue unless holding hands Now I know We argued at a distance I ran away from my feelings I slammed the door I should have stayed Kitchen table/ Holding hands Discuss it with persistence If only we had a love blog I don't mind some teasing Except when I'm depressed Down in the dumps In a rut / In a slump I need support and love Not derision So I made a tough decision I broke up Over Dirty Dishes He couldn't stop laughing at me So I broke up

So long ago I met you So many times you were there for me To lean against So many ways you touched my soul So many trips on the down low Next town over Out of sight / On my mind Away tonight / Except in spirit  Now I contemplate Love Without Heartache So many kisses from your lips So many places I held your hand Shielded by tinted window So many hugs I gave my lover So much drama undercover So many ways I tried to say How I feel / The real me But I could only write it down For you to read clearly  From my soul to yours directly  How I contemplate Life without heartbreak  So much fun together We speak in terms of forever  So much hurt we discarded  So long ago when we started  From the bottom of my heart So many kisses / So many thoughts  So much affection we display  So many chances we take Now I contemplate  Love Without Heartache Shielded by tinted window In another town down low  Affection we display Chances we take Life without heartbreak Love Without Heartache What I contemplate L

"I go to sleep at night With my heart wide awake Praying that me and you  Will become best friends Lovers for life I end up being your loving arms Feeling your lips kissing mine You are altogether beautiful Inside and out I couldn't wait For the early morning sun to rise Knowing one day you'll be by my side Me saying Baby My Heart Belongs To You."

You're my up when I'm down Your Love Hangs Around  When I look out and see I'm alone  My heart reminds me  I left you at home The perils of a long journey Nobody here really knows me The effort to do a job Your memory stands guard A sentinel for my heart You have my back When I think I'm alone You're my up when I'm down Your Love Hangs Around.

Shining star Silent partner Macho on the outside Mushy on the inside Love's Paradox The masculine is visible The mush is irresistible I forget the clock when we talk You occupy my thoughts Manly and nelly Top and bottom Macho and mushy High ball on the rocks Love's Paradox Beer at a sports bar Silent partner Shining star Love's Paradox.

Did Oscar Wilde, age 26, and Walt Whitman, 62, have sex in 1882 one afternoon drinking homemade elderberry wine? "His kiss is still on my lips." Oscar Wilde was invited to America by Gilbert & Sullivan, who had a traveling show lampooning the Aesthetic Movement. Art for art's sake. Appreciate beauty for its delight. They paid Oscar Wilde to speak as the object of ridicule.

Unconditional love = you give away love expecting nothing in return.  Love = you give on condition the receiver becomes optimistic at least for a moment. Romantic love = you hope to see him again, you make plans for the future. Unconditional love = no condition, in the moment, casual. Love is meaningful sex, hoping to make new memories while cherishing the old ones. When you give love, you give hope. A good deed makes you feel good. Love is a deed that makes you feel good about someone else's future. When you give love, the receiver becomes hopeful. Otherwise your gift wasn't received. Unconditional love has no future expectation. Real love is optimistic.  Love = romance. Nostalgia = you remember the past better than it was, romantic about the past. Romance = you see the future better than it will be or could be. It's how love is blind. Unconditional love is a one-night stand. No conditions, no strings, no thinking about another date together, any cock will do. Romantic lov

The man who changed how we think about nature was homosexual.  In 1799, in the first year of a 5-year expedition to study South America, the 30-year-old rich bachelor Alexander von Humboldt arrived in the modern capital of Ecuador.  The governor's daughter tried to catch his fancy. But Humboldt "preferred the company of her brother" Carlos Montufar, who joined Humboldt and his French male companion Aimé Bonpland for the remainder of the expedition. Humboldt had "intense" relationships with men throughout his life. (Video minute 29:00 to 31:00.) Born in 1769, he died at age 89. He wrote some 50 books and 700 papers. He visited Jefferson in the White House in 1804. Jefferson copied Humboldt's newly created detailed map of Mexico while Lewis & Clark were exploring the Louisiana Purchase.  Statues of Humboldt appear in South America. Many places worldwide are named for Humboldt. UPDATE I watched the video again, this time with my boyfriend. It's the most

A broken heart lets love leak out Bad love and good love alike Betrayal breaks the heart Time and rest heal how we feel Promises kept glue the pieces Back together Hope is thinking about the future How to make it better Make promises and keep them Breaking promises breaks the heart Keeping promises fixes the broken part A broken heart lets love leak out Promises kept glue the pieces  Back together  Love leaks out of a broken heart Hope fixes the broken part No leaks lately.

I can't and I must at the same time I can't let go of your memory And I must grab hold of intimacy Hesitancy and urgency At the same time I can't say No and I must go I can't stay yet I linger on  I can't let myself love again I must protect my heart from pain I can't hide away so easily I must display my love for all to see I can't be public since our love is secret I must safeguard my heart Not wreck it I can't let go of your memory I must protect it from injury  I can't say No and I must go I can't sleep / I lie awake I can't and I must At the same time we carry on I can't love you and I must love you Hesitant and urgent I can't and I must Let my heart love again.

Know thyself in order to know others Until then I was by myself I wandered in the shadow of a stranger Until I met you I walked in danger Then I stumbled and fell in love Don't remember when it was What date is our anniversary? Do we need a reason to throw a party? Let's have one anyway  A small private get-together To celebrate love and happiness That's the occasion  Since I met you I found out who I am Casting my own shadow across the land It's a coming-out celebration  Like the sun shining bright My heart warms up in your light Since we fell in love Let me bathe in your delight Let's throw a party How about tonight?

What matters if love is lost Only you in my world at any cost Matters of the heart Temptation just around the corner Redemption hard to find support for Passion just over the hill Just beyond the mountain pass On this trek the view is unreal At journey's end waiting for me Is a bubble bath What matters the world If your kiss is lost What matters to me the most Is you and your love In my heart at any cost.

"Nothing hurts worse Than a heart in pain There's nothing more serious Than when your man's to blame Here we go again Starting off a romance That will surely end in pain  I have tried time after time To keep our love together But baby still I find You're playing games There I go talking out of my head again Feeling like a stranger to my heart I think that we could fall in love again But you keep stepping On the heart that loves you Anyone could see the pain and misery Hurting On The Inside."

Saturday night once again Full moon other side of the house Fan in the window My arms are empty But my heart remembers How I love you like a spouse I had to let go of everything else My dreams are plenty My heart looks forward Next time we meet again Sun high in the sky Road trip for the day A few kisses along the way Listen to love songs on the radio Hands touch when lyrics resonate Picnic in the cemetery If the weather isn't too dreary Pay props to my dad on his birthday Drive back home scenic byway  Holding hands in nice weather That's the dream for the next date A road trip together  Saturday night full moon right now  Winter's bitter cold Fan in the window Love songs on the radio My arms are empty But my heart is full  Of dreams and memories Full Moon Full Heart.

There I was Working out in the fitness club Alone among the regulars Who see me every time I go Some guy gives me workout advice I see Your turquoise T-shirt walking away Thanks for the tip sir I've run out of time Put the weights away Wipe the bench down Start walking in your direction Far side of gymnasium Hope your feelings aren't hurt It was only a flirt Now we walk back Slowly and side by side All the way together Seen by all the regulars I wait for you as they speculate  We are friends or lovers or spouses Although we live in separate houses In the moment I feel so proud Letting the world know Without a word spoken I got somebody in my life I Got Somebody.

I never loved anyone as much As I love you Still together Still going strong As I hug you I never felt so much passion For so long As I touch you Where my heart belongs In your arms In your pocket Love-making is on the docket Still together going strong Where My Heart Belongs.