Dominant Chord

Imagine your boyfriend is a closeted celebrity. A country music singer. You two sneak a few kisses on the street at night. A gang takes notice and bashes the both of you.

A passerby films the violence and the kissing. They don't post it to the Internet. They give you a copy. You post it online. It goes viral. Now you're both famous.

How does your boyfriend find out it's you trying to out him? Because you confess to him before he suspects. Powerful love.

Now your boyfriend feels betrayed. You betrayed his secret. He knows you did it out of love. Being openly gay appears easy for you. In the long run he will heal. The secret won't be able to hurt him anymore.

But you two won't be together anymore either. Sure subconsciously he wants to get caught. He takes wild chances. He wants to live authentic. There will be sacrifices. He will lose the angst that inspires the music that people love. He will lose other people he loves. His family and fans. 

You're not supposed to subtract. You're supposed to add to your boyfriend's life. Now you're a negative. Expect a breakup until your boyfriend gets used to this new reality. Until he sees you as an asset he can trust again. You'll have to make and keep a lot of new promises. Or maybe he will find a new asset to take your place now that he's out.

How do secret lovers usually get caught? Eyeballs. People see their public displays of affection. 

In Brokeback Mountain the wife saw them kiss passionately under the back porch. But she didn't tell anyone except the daughter. The rancher saw them with binoculars as he sat horseback on the next ridge. He wouldn't hire them for another season.

Eyeballs. If you're both in the closet, there are no prying eyes. When one foot is in the closet and one is in the sunshine, that's the problem. It's hard to hide an uneven tan. Or one partner is tan while the other is pale. A secret love has pride. It fights its way out. It's hard to make love through a closet door. I'm dropping heavy metaphors.

Of course this short gay film resonates with me. I made a resolution to be more discreet this year. Even this gay love blog is starting to feel like an indiscretion. Its days are numbered. It creates thrill one minute and anxiety the next. It will definitely be archived and reincarnate in a different form. 

I can visit you in your closet. I used to live in one. But it's not big enough for the both of us. I will never move back there. My apartment is spacious with ample sunlight. 

I don't broadcast that I'm gay. If they ask, I will tell. If they start the 4 question routine, I will say no to all four. No I'm not married. No I don't have children. No don't have a girlfriend. No I don't hope to have one some day. You could have saved time simply asking if I'm gay.

In the movie the couple breaks up. I think they'll get back together in the sequel. Love is optimistic.