Complicated Gay Love

Six Minutes of Reassurance Rainy day means booty call It used to I called today Hello it's raining You can't get away I just called to hear your voice I called to say I was thinking of you I miss and love you What about you? You feel the same way too I'm so sentimental on hormone blockers I need to stop watching All these sad gay soap operas Snap out of it I hear your voice How I love it Like an angel of joy I am reassured My eyes are dried My heart is satisfied Six minutes on the phone Put my mind at rest Let my soul reset On this rainy day Six Minutes Of Reassurance.

I chose this card because it sounds like something I would write. It looks like my handwriting. It has space at the end for me to add a stanza. Valentines is two weeks from today. I will give it to my boyfriend next time I see him. Never wait because tomorrow may be too late.  "We're So Good Together I love the way we know each other heart and soul. I love how we keep learning and laughing together along the way. I love our shared dreams, our wild adventures, and our peaceful moments side by side. I love growing closer as time goes by. I love our yesterdays, our todays, our forevers -- and most of all, I love you. Happy Valentine's Day"  (American Greetings card) I added-- From me to you Your eyes of blue After all these years I still love you.

This TV movie about AIDS resonated in 1985. It resonates more today because of similarities with the Covid response.  I remember well. I turned 20 in 1984. I thought the hysteria would drive gays back in the closet. Instead they came out in a wave. Pride marches came to my sleepy home town. My ex-boyfriend died of AIDS. We had lots of unsafe sex when I was 17 to 18. He had a new book of crazy words. Wordplay together is extremely romantic. He caught HIV after we broke up. He was a year older than me. He died at age 25. While so many were outed by cause of death, I went into the closet. Into the military. I would get laid once or twice a year while on leave. My West Point cadet romance was '85 to '88. We hooked up 4 or 5 times total. Since I finished college and returned to civilian life, I've dated a few pos guys. One I was close to until he died. We practiced safe sex. I was willing to take a chance because I'm a demi-sexual. I need an emotional connection to have a se

Never argue unless holding hands Unless touching Unless hugging Unless looking in your eyes Argue only between kisses Take all the blame for any messes When you're right Say you're wrong All you have really is a love song Another poem for the heart Never argue Unless holding hands.

I knew I was a writer Before I knew I was gay My first piece was third grade A paragraph Why you smell A cake baking in the oven The oven is over there Your nose is over here Hint / It's not magic Or is it by another name? How do I know you love me? You're over there I'm over here Too far away to smell or touch I must rely on tender words Sight and sound Our shared memories and history Confidence and Faith that you love me I knew I was a writer Before I knew I was gay How do I know you love me still? In my heart / It's what I feel You're over there I'm over here I can't smell it like a cake But I can feel the heartache History of joyful memories Or is it cocky confidence? Based on a third grade analogy Faith that you still love me I was a writer before I was gay.

I was overcome with tears & sobs at the end of this movie. Tears of joy. Memories of my own father. In the film the father accepts his gay son Jeff (Russell Crowe). He expects he'll have take care of the sick son some day because of the AIDS epidemic. But it's the son who cares for the father, who has a stroke New Years Eve after his new-found lady friend feels betrayed that her new boyfriend didn't tell her his son is gay. Meanwhile one day pushing the father's wheelchair to the park, Jeff sees his ex-lover. He goes over to talk. Jeff returns giddy & transformed by love. The father sees the transformation & approves. Tears of joy for the son's happiness. I remember my father never really accepted me. I came back home to take care of him sick with leukemia. He later died from pancreatic cancer while I was at a gay bar. Two of my aunts came down to give me a break from caretaking.  Previously my dad got drunk one night & said gay slurs to me. Why do I

Fun, sexy & gay. Tommy & Johnny shirtless dance number. 9 minutes. Did I mention fun?

"I've never been the kind To ever let my feelings show I thought that being strong Meant never losing your self-control But I'm just drunk enough To let go of my pain To Hell with this pride Let it fall like rain From my eyes Tonight I Wanna Cry."

Love you so hard When I sit on the porch Love you so much When I soak in the bath Love you so long When I recall the past Love you so hot Every other thought I love you so hard Please don't break my heart If we argue If my feelings are hurt I'm not going anywhere No ghost No door to slam My head in your lap It's hard to talk about But here I am Holding your hand Saying how I feel My feelings are hurt I'm not going anywhere I'm here with you to work it out Because I Love You So Hard Please don't break my heart I love you so much.

"Take a look at me now I'm just an empty space  You coming back to me Is Against All Odds It's a chance I've got to take."

I'm afraid If I move in with you Or you with me We will break up the next day We're still together Because we don't live together We would have to try extra hard To make it work After all these years It's a chance I'm willing to take Should you get kicked out of the closet Should your family kick you out My bed is here / My hand to hold My lips to kiss / My knees to pray A sonnet that's too honest For dry eyes A poet who's too in love To realize We're still together Because we don't live together But if we did A sonnet too honest for dry eyes.

Sirens ring out In the city streets Sirens attract the sailor To the rocky cliff Hear the piercing whistle Of the wind The distant thunder Pounds the ground again I should seek shelter from the storm Instead I search for my sailor In the gale blown off course With cotton balls in my ears When I find my lover I put the cotton in his Suddenly he sees the storm I'm too weak to go on Sailor carries me in rough seas To safe harbor in his heart Sirens of temptation Sing their songs of deception  Until the storm is over In a place of shelter Take out the cotton balls Take off the blinders Relax in his arms Fortify the love in his heart.

We're both biological men Without a doubt That's the only thing We're sure about My boyfriend is a woman in his mind A transvestite Drag name is Linda No plans to transition Because of the health danger Because his boyfriend is gay Who is okay with role play But not looking for a real woman  Once upon a time I was the gay manly man I made love to my boyfriend A million times As he felt inside like a woman But I'm not the man I used to be I feel like a woman in menopause Because of hormone therapy For prostate cancer Medically induced low testosterone My chest has boobs My nipples are tender I have hot flashes Most body hair has disappeared Lifting weights don't muscle me up I'm more sentimental than I once was Just look at this gay love blog Hysterical You're a woman in your fantasy I'm not the man I used to be Maybe we're lesbians now Confusion and delusion The irony of it all What do you call a top With erectile dysfunction? A bossy bottom So we

You say kinematics Follow the motion I say thermodynamics Heat from the ocean Let's debate the lapse rate Over dinner under stormy skies Frontogenesis and lightning  Gray clouds and your blue eyes Blue for snow on the radar Red for heavy rain in my heart Barometer rising  Kinematics Thermodynamics Let's debate over dinner Start out with a few kisses  Maybe I watch too much weather TV What makes you think You can change me? I'm a nerd You're my muse Follow the motion to my ocean of love Bomb cyclone of the heart Kinematics and Thermodynamics Without us both there is no weather Without love to bring us together  There is no rain to quench the heart.

It's gonna get worse Before it gets better It's gonna hurt Before we get back together My heart will whine and pine I remember you as divine The days apart will add up The dirty dishes will pile up My heart will lay awake My eyes will turn red As I daydream about you In the middle of the night My hand reaches out for yours But you're not there I brush my teeth To give you a fresh goodnight kiss But you're not there Missing you right now Alone in this house With my lonely heart Until you return It's gonna get worse  Before it gets better It's gonna hurt Before we get back together My Heart Will ache for you I will wait for you My hand reaches out for yours.

Classic and Brand-new At the same time Both serious and whimsy Lingerie so flimsy At once a favorite Holding hands We savor it Our baby A product of shared love A poem or prose We never know Until it's born and grows Which way to go Over the top Or take the low road The scenic or the shallow Unknown to us is the itinerary Which path to follow Love takes us back home And brings us back out To see and be seen This time A walk in the park A new poem over the top To enjoy with you Classic and Brand-new.

You are my muse The inspiration for everything I do Maybe misunderstood or misconstrued Is the poetry I write for you Though unsure and hesitant What word to speak next That won't confuse Or come across as a ruse To seduce you My muse The inspiration for all I do You are My Muse.

When I give you something It's yours to do with  As you wish When I give you love It's yours  No strings attached I give for the joy of giving Not receiving The joy and delight Are beyond believing When I give away love Expecting nothing in return It's yours to do with As you wish Joy and delight beyond belief When I Give Away Love Expecting nothing in return.

When I talk about love It morphs into poetry Automatically Bring a rose and chocolate Leave the prose at home Where it belongs Bring a bottle of wine  And a few love songs I think about you In the language of poetry A dialect of love Innately Poetry when I dream of you Automatically Poetry when I see you Poetry When I Think Of You.

Like a classic tattoo That's brand-new Permanent reminder How much I remember you It seems to be infinity The many ways I can say How much I love you  Like a classic car That's on the road still I cruise mostly Then I climb the hill I have many new parts The only thing original Is the heart  You fell in love with  Like a classic movie We met by chance Trial and tribulation Together we survive severe weather We live through  Heartache of separation From the other Passionate reunion for a moment Like a classic tattoo Permanent memory How much I love you Heartache of separation Passionate reunion.

You broke the law When you broke my heart  You're too gorgeous to press charges Too cute to prosecute You only did it Because love is what you needed I accept restitution Pay me back We'll call it even Give me love within reason You broke the law When you broke my heart Too gorgeous to press charges Too sexy to be arrested  Apology accepted Give me back my love within reason And we will call it even  I'm not looking for justice Plea bargain down to just us You broke the law  When you broke my heart  Now comes the consequence Restoring love is your life sentence.

I don't want to love you But I have to Of my own volition Without condition I don't want butterflies in my tummy Before I call you on the phone I don't want my heart To pound and pitter-patter When I see you in the shower I don't want to love you I have to Voluntarily Necessarily  I don't want to worry Something might happen to you I don't want you to worry I might have met someone new True I don't want to love you And I don't want to lose you Of my own volition Without condition I don't want to I have to love you.

My boyfriend's drag name is Linda. She's on my mind.

What's the real reason You have feet? To walk run jump kick swim To wiggle toes under covers Against the bottoms of my feet To caress my shin Under the dinner table No The real reason is so I can sweep you off your feet And carry you over the threshold Into a new life together.

A picture is worth a thousand words A kiss is priceless.

This movie is my boyfriend's worst nightmare. The wife sees her husband kissing a man in the forest. The grown son sees his father kiss his best friend in the guest house.  At the end of the film this family is broken up. The husband/father must leave his family. The friend goes off to college. Last thing the son says to his friend is "Go Steelers" which is their private code for "I love you Bro." Their friendship has ended also. Where do I fit into this scenario? I'm the homewrecker. The man kissing the husband and father. Not very discreetly. If this were to play out, imagine the resentment created for breaking up a marriage and family. Could our relationship survive?  We can only try. I'm not going off to college. We're both older men. And I will be here for you, my sweet boyfriend.

You're not perfect But almost You say the wrong thing You do the wrong thing A wrong turn The toast burns Kisses in the wrong place Your eyes look into my face  I misunderstand You fumble for the right words So humble in this world of hurt You're not perfect by any stretch You're almost perfect As good as it gets Is it wrong to settle for Almost Perfect?

Sometimes a gay person is the last one to know he's gay. This movie takes that idea to an extreme.  In this case the closeted Ed has a multiple personality. His drag queen alter ego Helena is taking over. Much as a person slowly accepts being gay. Everybody knows Helena except Ed himself. Ed is super cute, sexy, vulnerable, emotional. His (Christopher Sams) incredible acting kept me watching the entire film. I was disappointed in Helena's brief appearance at the end. Partly because I'm gay. Partly because I fell in love with Ed.  In real life I know a similar situation. David became Sophia. He crossdresses fulltime and has a girlfriend. In my relationship I watched my boyfriend become full-time gay. Then I watched him crossdress more and more. Until he went out in drag for Halloween on a date with me this year to a gay bar. I remember when I was younger, I dated a couple transvestites. I was embarrassed to be seen in public. Times have changed. I've changed.  I would ma

All the time I say  I have No Fear Because I'm afraid  You will disappear  I don't mind being alone Big fat tom cat and a TV At home I look around the room I shed a tear Because you're not here I'm afraid of losing you So I say how much I have No Fear In the language of love All the time I think About your touch and hugs It feels so good to give you A goodbye kiss Like all the other kisses Until next time I have No Fear So I tell myself Because I'm afraid In the language of love All the time I'm scared of losing you So I say how much I have No Fear I have No Fear  All the while I'm afraid You might disappear So I declare how much I have No Fear I have No Fear  I'm afraid of losing you That's why I say I have No Fear Except for losing you I have No Fear I have No Fear.

The day we met In a lonely parking lot Overlook panorama So began our drama Vista of an approaching storm On the horizon Hurricane on the way What a gorgeous view And your eyes are blue The day we met So began our drama I fell in love with you Many storms have passed through Hail wind and rain Snow and ice But the sun always comes out To light up your blue eyes With blue skies Or is it the other way around? I hold your hands tight As every storm passes through So began our drama The day we met In a parking lot Eyes of blue  I still love you.

"I don't need a love I can live with I want THE ONE I can't live without." The singer chooses loneliness over love. Because perfect love doesn't exist. It makes a great song with a sad ending. Echoes gay & lesbian themes. The song sounds like a rationalization to stay in the closet. Perfect love = No love. Or secret love. I discovered Terri Clark recently. Big fan.

My brother  My friend  My enemy Can say something mean to me So what  Whatever Who cares My self-esteem is extremely high Mere words can't bring me down Unless my boyfriend says The exact same thing Coming from your lips Those words have more power Than you can imagine I'm sensitive to everything My boyfriend has to say A compliment will cause me To smile for days Repeating something I said earlier Means you've been listening  But if you say something mean The power of your words How I feel  I write a magic poem To heal my heart While I'm alone When I read it to you Love is sensitive Feel the magic power To overcome the negative From my lips to your heart I write this magic potion Speak my love into existence The magic works on you only Because you already love me I write a magic love potion I read the poem with emotion To overpower anything negative Love is sensitive From my lips to your ears Sweep away all your fears A magic love potion A poem of magic words For someo

Last time we made love You hurt my feelings Now they've healed up I'm ready to play again It was an accident You didn't mean to be malevolent You didn't mean to be mean You hurt my feelings I'm ready to play again When you hurt my feelings I got super quiet You knew what happened You got super nice and polite Though in a hurry You cuddle in my arms To watch a travel documentary You don't have to say you're sorry I know you are Don't worry It was an accident It was not your intent To hurt my feelings Now they've healed up You hurt my feelings  I'm ready to play again It was an accident You hurt my feelings They healed up  I'm ready to play again.

During orgasm I talk too much Foreplay I don't kiss enough Feedback I didn't see it as being bossy Constructive criticism So I said You don't tell me what to do Bitch! I want to give you what you need You're not the boss of me Usually But the bottom is the boss  In the bedroom Sets the limit how far I can go I can grunt and talk later Fill you up with goodbye kisses I'm a man in love So I want to give you stuff Lingerie and jewelry I give you a haircut  Your glittery lips Until next time I give you a kiss You give me feedback I give you another kiss You're not the boss of me I give you what you need When a man's in love He wants to give you stuff.

Feels so good to be felt up By the man I love When your fingers touch my hand Forearm / My Shoulders Shoulder blades Lower back Feels so good to be felt up By you When your calluses hold my face For a kiss Sandpaper hands I inhale When you handle my breasts Reach down Let your hand rest Feels so good to be felt up By you A hundred kisses While you feel me up Feels so good to be felt up By the man I love.

"My gift is my song And this one's for you And you can tell everybody This is your song It may be quite simple But now that it's done I hope you don't mind I hope you don't mind That I put down in words How wonderful life is While you're in the world."

Are you taking a break From being straight? Is this a temporary fling? Experimentation Maybe in the beginning it was But now we're so serious After all these years We can handle the heat Of passion and heartache It's not a break from being straight It's permanent If you want a break from being gay It's a breakup with me I don't need a break Being gay is permanent For the both of us Just like our love Permanent If you need a break It's a breakup But being gay is permanent As is our love Permanent.

Holding hands is not enough I need to sneak a kiss Somewhere in public Love is not a secret Around the corner On the trail In the bushes Behind the trees In my car In broad daylight Secret love is not discreet  Holding hands in a crowded restaurant Is not enough Look around The coast is clear  Nobody cares about us But I care about you I need to sneak a kiss Somewhere in public Love is not a secret Across this table On the walk back home In the elevator Down the hallway Holding hands is not enough I need to sneak a kiss In my apartment No more sneaking Just kissing.

I'm gay Why can't you believe it I'm gay Why can't you accept it No I don't want to date Your sister or lady friend at work I'm gay I like guys I like a man's hand in mine I like other men I'm gay Dammit Stop trying to set me up Try to accept I'm already hooked up With a guy I'm gay I will always be this way Forever in love with a man A guy I'm gay Dammit Today and yesterday Forever in love with a guy I'm gay I hope he is too Dammit.

Before I met you I was an empty shell of nothingness A zombie walking dead Without purpose or reason I was a nameless nobody Aimless in every season Before I met you A ghost of a man Numb by routine and circumstance A shadow floating across the land Without anchor Without origin An empty shadow of nothing No purpose or reason Before I met you I was asleep Stunned and gobsmacked By the loneliness Where my heart escapes Pain and heartache Before I met you I was blind Now I see joy and delight Where my eyes may glance I see love and light My heart takes a chance Before I met you My soul was an empty shell of darkness Now I feel joy and delight I see love and light Before I met you I was nothing Now I'm in love That's something Before I met you I was blind Now I see love and light I see you now Joy and delight Before I Met You I was an empty shell Now I'm filled  With love and happiness.

How does it feel to make love? Like a kitten pouncing on your head When you lay asleep on the bed Like a puppy jumping on your tummy To go out for a walk How does it feel to make love? Like a thunderstorm Approaching fast from the west Like a cool gust of wind Blowing in on lightning bolts Like the roar of a freight train Not slowing down express Like a rocket to the moon And beyond to outer space How does it feel to make love? Like a pretty flower Already begun to wilt Like a witty poem of long lasting love Standing on stilts Like the burning midnight sun In the Arctic zone Like a soft whisper Beside a crackling fire at home How does it feel to make love? Like a single star in the sky The single cloud on a cloudless day The ray of sunshine in your eye Have come together all at once To say Good Morning Hello That's how it feels to make love.

Somewhere along the line My heart got derailed Like embers of a fire We've run out of steam On this lonely stretch of rail Somewhere along the way My heart got derailed I tried to make you love me I failed My world jumped the track When you said you tried  To love me back My heart got derailed  I tried to make you mine  I failed I tried and tried I failed You tried to love me back  You failed  My heart got derailed My love is sidetracked  I tried to make you love me I failed Like embers of a fire I ran out of steam My heart got derailed I tried to make you love me I failed.