Complicated Gay Love

Standing at attention at the head of the conference table, Captain Chris shouts: Long Rule The Crown! The four subordinate crew members echo the salutation as we were taught. My shout is louder than the other three. Suddenly I feel self conscious & embarrassed that I might have displayed an inappropriate amount of loyalty. All five of us sit down. Captain at head of the table facing the big screen. The others sit on the same side facing away from the camera. Lieutenant wearing those control gloves. Then me. Then either John or William. I don't yet know which is which. They look like brothers. Then the screen. At this table three men are wearing long pants. Straight men. Two men are wearing shorts. The gays. Am I overthinking this? The captain begins: "Gentlemen. I called this meeting for two reasons. To introduce a new member to the crew.  Specialist David is from Earth. He's an expert in space weather. Our very own weather man.  Remember those micro meteor showers a f

The hall is freezing cold, inappropriate for boxers & Tshirt. But the command deck feels like a sauna. I have better orientation now.  I see the camera bubble in the far right-hand corner. In the adjacent corner are two sexy men in white track pants & tanks. Barefoot. Wearing goggles.  They appear to be gaming as they face a sensor panel. The game sounds are as loud as the bowling alley video was. I don't see the captain anywhere. I scan the deck 360. I don't see him. Lieutenant motions that I follow him to the conference table near the big screen. We sit down in chairs so we face away from the camera. Lieutenant hands me a micro smart screen. I look down at a photo of Jacob beside a photo of the captain. I quickly look closer. They each have stats & zooms. Shocked I am! I look up at the lieutenant but don't say anything. How easy was that? Search Jacob in high school yearbooks & match the captain's description. I look back down. I tap Jacob to full scre

I spotted him all the way across the gymnasium converted to ballroom dance floor. He was taller than everybody else. And he had a beard. His tuxedo was blue in a sea of black tuxes. Plenty of blue dresses. So at first he looked like a tall girl from this distance. Except for the beard.  Once called the senior prom, now it's the final dance of high school. I kept making my way in that direction. I needed a closer look. The song ended. Another began. I escorted my date back to our table. I said, "I'll get us some punch & be right back." I got 2 cups of punch. But I didn't come right back. I made my way through the crowd as if I were invisible. Didn't spill a drop. This tall guy with a fuzzy beard & blue outfit looked hotter as I got closer. His date was gorgeous in a black gown. More fit than I was. His arm held her as she seemed to chat with others. I handed him a cup of punch. We sipped in synchronicity. He said,  This was one crazy dance. Who knew we

I follow the lieutenant through another door into a hallway of doors. Number 5 is my room. We go in. Lieutenant gestures for me to sit in this chair on a piston in front of a full-length mirror.  He says, Take off your shirt . He goes to a cabinet. Takes out a wireless weightless clipper & comb. I say with a smile. "I'm not wearing a shirt." Lieutenant, standing behind me now, stands to the side. He looks into the mirror into my eyes staring back. He lifts his hands upward & outward in a queer gesture. It's the first time he appears gay to me. He starts off mocking the captain. Listen, son. David. Let me start your briefing. I know you're wearing a provocative flight suit. Sexy as hell. It's not a shirt. So peel your flight suit down to your waist so I can trim your body hair after the haircut. Or take it off. Nobody wants to see these ugly patches of wild hairs on your back. I know it's cold in here. I turned on the heat. You'll be in the show

I pushed the button. The door slid open. A blast of hot air pushed me back a couple steps. The noise doubled in decibels. I thought I heard someone say: Welcome aboard, David. Come in & close the door. What are you waiting for? I stepped in. Turned around. Pressed the button again. It felt like a sauna. The racket was video of a rowdy bowling alley. A tall man started walking toward me. Is that my boyfriend? About Jacob's height. The same brown eyes. The same 5 o'clock shadow. The same build. I'm in command of this once-great star base. Most people call me Captain Christopher because my last name is hard to pronounce. You can call me Sir . Wearing a tank top with his rank patch sewn on, boxers & bare feet, he shook my hand. Tell me this, son. Before you awoke from hyper sleep, who were you dreaming about? I looked in his brown eyes. I looked away. I looked at the floor. I looked left. Then right. I looked at the noisy bowling alley on the big screen. I saw another g

I've had a morning woody ever since I awoke from hyper sleep.  Maybe it's stimulation from the catheter. Leftover irritation. Maybe I need to orgasm. Must have been summer when I left. Freezing cold now. My nipples stand erect & proud under the flimsy flight suit. My hair has grown a couple inches. Still the chill gives me goose bumps. I see my reflection in the shiny sheet metal walls.  I'm scruffy & skinny. I lost my muscle mass from inactivity.  So my erection is visible a light year away. Star date? I don't know. It was the year 2522 back on earth. I was having a lucid dream. It was hot on this mountain top trail. So was he. Brawny & buff like a lumberjack. Except skinny like a teenager.   He kissed me like crazy after we went under the tree canopy & outside the range of the sensors. He was a half foot taller. So I stood on tippy toes with my arms around his neck holding on.  One of his arms held my lower back. The other extended a broad hand over my

I wanna reach out & grab ya! ************************ Abracadabra is Aramaic for I create  (reality)  as I speak .

Another tear-jerker! The most moving film I've seen in a while. James and Michael meet at the art gallery. They fall in love. They become engaged to be married. James dies unexpectedly in a construction accident. The family won't let Michael see the body or attend the funeral. I got to thinking. What if something happened to my boyfriend? I wouldn't know about it. I would think he's standing me up.  I would call repeatedly. Eventually I would go to his house to see if he's okay. I would introduce myself as a worried friend. So if you're breaking up, tell me. Don't ghost me. What if something happened to me? How would he find out about it? We're definitely going to talk about this. The solution I've come up with so far is to put a legible indelible note in my wallet. He should put a similar note in his wallet. If something happens to me, please call my best friend (his name) so he can visit me in the hospital or attend the funeral. (His contact info)

Why did I join this fitness club? So I could spend more time With the one I love So I could spot your car  In the parking lot Suddenly the weather  Has turned so hot In the AC I'm sweating and Scan my card Throw my stuff in the locker  Fast and hard I appear on the treadmill Next to you Start walking nonchalant As if this is not a rendezvous You reach out and Slap me on the back The manly way two men Greet each other  Out on the track How long until Your workout is over? Mine too exactly I'll meet you in the shower Ostensibly I sneak a peek Behind the curtain To see how pumped You are from exertion I'll meet you outside When you're thru Then on to my apartment To continue this rendezvous Why did I join this fitness club? So I could spend more time With the one I love.

He was smiling ear to ear As he drove away from here I was grinning cheek to cheek So love-struck I could hardly speak He was wearing sexy underwear I was dancing like Fred Astaire By the time he gets to his place I'll be landing from outer space Auto-replay his happy face Upload the memory  With all due haste How does romance  Get better every time It sprouts naturally And grows on the vine When love is a secret  You cannot mention Passion burns so hot You lose discretion We were out in public Out on the street We were just pretending To be discreet Sneaking hugs and kisses  Holding hands Looking around and making plans When will I see you again Write it on the calendar Until then  We walked so slow and close together Anyone could see we must be lovers Out in public Out on the street We were only pretending to be discreet  When love is a secret  You cannot mention Passion burns so hot You lose discretion He was smiling ear to ear I was grinning cheek to cheek.

I can deal with my emotions That's My Super Power I can't control how I feel But I can deal with my emotions That's My Super Power How I feel when  You wear lingerie under a sexy outfit I can deal with that How I feel when You wrap your arms around my redneck I can deal with that I can deal with my emotions That's My Super Power How I feel when You lay your head on my shoulder In a whimsy I can deal with that How I feel when We walk to the park Bottle of wine You get tipsy I can deal with that I can deal with my emotions That's My Super Power How I feel when You skinny dip in the river In broad daylight I can deal with that How I feel when  You press your body to mine And hold me tight I can deal with that I can deal with my emotions That's My Super Power I can't control how I feel But I can deal with my emotions That's My Super Power How I feel when You whisper in my ear That you love me I can deal with that How I feel when I make love to you so tenderl

It's an artsy film. Dramatic irony & character foils & symbolism. Good depiction of Rusty being young & confused & inarticulate. When you meet someone, you don't know they're damaged goods until after you fall in love. In walks heartbreak. My boyfriend called while I was watching this movie. I told him about it. A drug addict will always choose the drug before everything until they're homeless living in the park. I've had a few toxic relationships when I was young. Not anymore. I told my boyfriend I will always choose him first. I'm high on love. I'm addicted to love. I meet people but I'm not hooking up with anybody but you despite a rocky spring. He said, I love you. I started a love blog in June to reassure him. And to reassure myself.

YouTube must read my blog. The algorithm placed this sweet movie in my feed to put life in perspective. I've been thinking about past romances. I had a man crush on another cadet way back in 1982. Before I ever thought about the military. He's the reason I joined ROTC spring semester of '83. A complicated college career. And the movie "Officer and a Gentleman" I saw with my mom at the discount theater over Christmas break. Like Richard Gere's character, I realized I had no place else to go. I saw my crush naked with an erection in the shower more than once. I saw him hook up with girls in his dorm room across the hall. I remember Abracadabra on his boom box. "I wanna reach out & grab ya."  But he was straight. We were best friends. I never made a pass at him. Some years ago he contacted me via Facebook. He had been married & divorced a couple times with children. He wanted me to call him on the phone. I never did. I'm not sure why. I want

(3 images) I feel super duper I'm in a Love Stupor I'm drunk on love intoxicated Machinery should not be operated Don't make a fast decision When under this condition Love Stupor I feel super duper  I'm in a Love Stupor.

Learn to ride the Bronco of Love And you will survive And not fall apart  When the Bronco breaks your heart Bronco of Love will break your little heart You won't need a first aid kit When the Bronco of Love  Gives you a kiss You won't need a tourniquet When the Bronco gives you love You can't forget You won't need a plaster cast When the Bronco spanks your little ass You won't need a leather saddle When the Bronco of Love is there to straddle A big bucking bull will break your back But a Bronco of Love will break your heart Learn to ride the Bronco of Love And you will survive You won't fall apart  When the bucking Bronco breaks your little heart Bronco of Love will spank your little ass And break your little heart Learn to ride And you will survive When the Bronco of Love Breaks your little heart Big Bucking Bull will break your back But a Bronco of Love will break your heart.

Here I am Walking on a treadmill to nowhere Where are you I'll be in great shape when I get there Here I am now Spinning my wheels on a treadmill Are you real / Are you alive Or just a memory of how we were Is it destiny Here I am On a treadmill to nowhere Where are you now I'll be in great shape when I get there  Real or memory / Plan or destiny  I forgot a lot but I remember you My favorite cadet I can't forget  Here I am  Where are you now? NOTE This poem is a spin-off from  Cadet Romance .

Sad really. They can't say if they're straight or gay or bisexual or trans. Or straight pretending to be gay pretending to be straight. They want your clicks. Their other videos ask but don't answer the question. So they spend time searching for honesty & authenticity. Because they can't find it. They don't have it. What about the Q in LGBTQ? Questioning. Rab, shown in the thumbnail, is questioning. Some days he's attracted to a man only. Some days he's attracted to a woman only. You can see he's struggling with it. Stephen isn't confused. Maybe he's bi. But he won't say. Yet they have numerous videos claiming to answer this question. You should mute these videos to avoid being confused by the dialogue. Then enjoy them for what is certain. Two hot guys trying to appeal to everyone. To be authentic, you must let the truth tell its own story. Like this blog. Truth is often confusing & hard to believe but easier to relate. Good luck to S

Binge watching gay movies. This one is a tear-jerker. Who cares about the family farm if you lose everybody you love?

Two guys meet. Here's my number. Writes it on his arm. Not legible enough. So the text goes to a wrong number. He wasn't being ghosted. Luckily when I met my boyfriend, we exchanged phone numbers. I couldn't read his & called two wrong numbers. We may not have seen each other ever again. But he was able to read my number & called. Thank goodness for clear handwriting. If that happened again, I would type the number into the phone & call right away to confirm. Love is worth the extra step.

Cute young married gay couple house-sit. What could go wrong? Fun comedy. Full movie.

  Another routine date. We're planning two special dates later this summer. Meanwhile I told my boyfriend I've been reminiscing about a romance in the 1980s. About two decades before I met my boyfriend. Here's the story. After attending the West Point prep school, I decided not to go to West Point but instead go to college on an ROTC scholarship.  So I spent the summer on active duty in a mostly empty campus.  I made a friend. We hung out together quite a bit for a couple weeks. Then I made a pass at him. After that, we were no longer friends. This made me more hesitant & more closeted.  Later that summer I met a West Point cadet. We became friends. No matter how close we got, I was determined to stay in the closet. I didn't want to lose another friend. One afternoon we went to the on-base cinema to see Ghostbusters. There was a long line. The movie had started when we finally entered the crowded theater. When we sat down, our legs touched. And they didn't un-to

Nothing to say really. Except Wow!