Star date on star base (ep. 6)

Standing at attention at the head of the conference table, Captain Chris shouts:

Long Rule The Crown!

The four subordinate crew members echo the salutation as we were taught. My shout is louder than the other three.

Suddenly I feel self conscious & embarrassed that I might have displayed an inappropriate amount of loyalty.

All five of us sit down. Captain at head of the table facing the big screen. The others sit on the same side facing away from the camera.

Lieutenant wearing those control gloves. Then me. Then either John or William. I don't yet know which is which. They look like brothers. Then the screen.

At this table three men are wearing long pants. Straight men. Two men are wearing shorts. The gays. Am I overthinking this?

The captain begins:

"Gentlemen. I called this meeting for two reasons. To introduce a new member to the crew. 

Specialist David is from Earth. He's an expert in space weather. Our very own weather man. 

Remember those micro meteor showers a few days ago? We could have used him. Luckily his hyper pod missed the whole thing. 

That was a helluva show. David, go back & watch the video. I hope your mere presence will calm us down next time."

In this moment, Captain Chris doesn't remind me of Jacob. Different voice. Different demeanor. Different content. I seem to be the only one paying close attention. I hope the topic goes away from me soon.

Captain Chris continues:

"The other thing I want to talk about is morale. You can tell from the salutation that David's morale is the highest. 

Morale is confidence. He has the highest confidence of anyone on this star base right now. Which is the five of us. A skeleton crew to say the least.

But his confidence is waning as he learns that reality is much different from the materials he studied. The legendary Star Base 8 is a ghost of its former glory & grandeur.

Only if you focus on the negative. It's easy to say, the shower air dry doesn't work. Therefore the star base is a piece of shit. So you lose confidence in all your equipment. You lose morale.

But think about it. The shower functions. Water flows. Not too hot. Not too cold. The lights work. Life support works. Gravity works. This room is nice & toasty.

The weightless hair clippers work properly. The vacuum hose keeps the deck clean like it's supposed to. The piston chair bounces you up & down the way you like it."

Son of a bitch! I give the Lieutenant a jab with my left elbow. Is there nothing secret on this star base? I bet everybody knows I fucked the Lieutenant by now. Including the sexy straight guys.

Captain goes on:

"Morale takes three forms. Confidence in your surroundings. Confidence in yourself. Confidence for those in your crew.

If you have high morale, high confidence in these three areas, you will stay alive & return home to make love again to your special little bitch.

If you have low morale, you will likely die out here & take others with you."

Sure the captain is talking cliches. But it feels like I'm hearing it for the first time. I pretty much know Lieutenant can't keep a secret. Lost confidence in him. Low morale.

"When I first arrived here, the previous captain warned me. He said, 'Son everything you learned in training, it's all garbage. Everything is different out here.'

I remember feeling my morale drop. Did I really waste my time studying & testing for this position? My spirits fell.

After a while, I realized some captains are full of shit. Everything is different out here? No way.

Since I've been captain for only six months, every crew member has used his training to save his own life & the lives of others. Each time our confidence grew. Morale improved.

Confidence in yourself. Faith that you have the ability & knowledge to operate & repair the equipment which will not let you down.

Self-confidence that you can make the right call, make the correct judgment. The more experience you have taking the heat for a proper action, the greater will be your morale.

If I judge any of you to completely lose morale, I will relieve you of duty. Maybe throw you in the brig. You become too great a risk.

Finally confidence in others. For example confidence that David is competent in his field of expertise. That he won't let us down. That he will choose life over machine.

Confidence that your captain has high morale. That he's with it & not a screwball. Calm under pressure. Wise beyond years.

The more I trust the star base, the more I trust my own skills & judgment, the more I trust you..."

Captain makes eye contact with every member of the crew.

"The better I feel inside myself. The greater my morale. The higher will be your morale also.

Now I want you all to go to the galley & get to know David. Start to build confidence. Say it like you mean it."

When Captain Chris stands up, we all stand up & shout "Long Rule The Crown!" as we were trained.

Lieutenant says to me, "I'll meet you in a few minutes in the galley to eat real food. You might want to wear warmer clothes. It's cold in there. Not like a sauna here."

Lieutenant goes off to talk with the captain. John & William have disappeared.

I go to my room, put on long pants & deck shoes over my socks. And a jacket. I don't want to look gay anymore. 

I'm not sure the location of the galley. I pull it up on the micro screen. Farther down the hall from the command deck.

I step into the galley. One of those cute straight guys is there. I still can't tell which one. I hold up the two possible photos on the micro screen as he walks toward me with a tray.

He places the tray on the table & says.

"I'm William. And you are (pause) Jacob?"

Son of a bitch! I say, "No, that's my boyfriend back home. Can nobody keep a secret on this base? I'm David."

William says, "Be careful. There is a camera over there. We all have secrets. But not from each other. You should have heard the captain last week. (Mocking)

'Secrecy is destructive. Secrets destroy. Love is not a secret. If it is, it will destroy you.'"

William says, "There's steak & potatoes. Don't eat too much. You haven't had real food in months. You'll get clogged up. Maybe sick."

I reach out to shake William's hand. I keep holding it. He squeezes my hand. He pulls us close together & says:

"David. I know this trick. I'm not gay. I don't feel a tingle in my pants. But I feel the warmth of your hand & honesty of your eyes. 

"Maybe we can cuddle or game or work out. I need human touch. If we have buddy sex, I will be thinking about a woman. Not you."

I say, "I don't think I've ever heard such clarity."

William sits down. While I'm at the hot table, Paul & John enter. I'm not sure how much more outing I can take for one day.

I miss my secrets already.

Episode 7