Complicated Gay Love

2022 goes out on high note. Great hope for 2023.  I was in my apartment all year with my cat. 3 years living in my van was over. I still drive the van. At the beginning of the year my health was an issue. The prostate number was rising. Not responding to testosterone hormone blocker alone. A daily pill since Feb. brought the number back down. But it caused lethargy, weight gain & mental haze.  I lost my muscle mass, atrophy from inactivity. In April I started physical therapy for an injured shoulder, which helped pull me out of my funk. At the end of the year, 2 days before Christmas, a CT scan showed improvement since Jan. 19 scan indicating mild emphysema. My lungs cleared up. Because I've been working out. More breathing. More blood flow than a year ago. That's good news. Recent scan showed the July 11 lower back injury. In April & May I was in a mental fog making poor judgments. Like an open relationship would be okay. Because I feel guilty about erectile dysfunctio

In search of a happy ending. Happy at the end of a movie. Not happily ever after. These two sad short gay films are poignant. They make you cry. They make you watch again. And cry again. In the first movie a gay heroin addict gets out of rehab. Goes to stay with his sister & her husband. Five days before his arrival, the sister kills herself. Because she found her husband in bed with a guy. Can you imagine? Over on Gay Guys Going Deeper, they had three older men talk about coming out later in life. One guy's marriage ended happily. The other two not so well. Family was okay for a couple weeks then turned on him. The ex-wife paid a hitman to kill him. So I should not minimize my boyfriend's concerns & fears about coming out. If you thought your ex would kill herself, you would never come out. There's a happy ending. Dylan & Sean fall asleep entwined in each other's arms & legs. Sean pushes the glass of whiskey away. Dylan hustles up to accompany Sean on a

Every day I say to myself This love has lasted Longer than I expected After eighteen years I stepped up my game Way up I proved my love without doubt So much so It comes across as needy and clingy My New Year's resolution Be more manly I'm the husband and you're the wife As we discussed on the phone Despite intense passions I must be subdued Masculine Obviously holding my emotions in check Not a loose cannon  Now is time to coast with confidence Recover recharge Refocus on old goals Finish the gay sci-fi porno 13 chapters so far I'm running out of steam for the poems The love blog must evolve Will I ever write prose again? Yes To update the few readers Provocative inappropriate pictures Yes Can't wait until spring time Secret love demands the sunshine Every day This love has lasted Longer than I expected.

Kisses on Christmas Day Stay in the box Until two days after Stockings filled with laughter Hanging above the hearth Under the tree was love In our hearts We traded passion and romance For sweet-nothing and bon-bons Lingerie to try on Icy hands to hold tight Arms to squeeze just right Two days after Christmas Laughter and kisses.

A happy ending. The closeted partner goes public to save the relationship.  Love is not a secret. Therefore secret love is not discreet. You take all kinds of chances. How can people not find out eventually?  When you come out as a couple, you're not hiding anymore. You live your truth with pride.

First kiss was around minute 59:00 it's an artsy low budget film. I've been on both sides of the love equation. I loved him more and he loved me more. In both cases it broke my heart.  Both Sam & Ryan are cheating. Sam on his boyfriend. Ryan is cheating on his own heart. I've had to say no to toxic relationships that got out of hand. But I thought this was a healthy relationship... except for the cheating.  The movie resonated with me as I'm dating a married man who has Ryan's concerns. I'm more like Sam except single. You have to accept what your partner has to offer. Respect limits. Wait until he's ready. It will pay off. Ryan is cheating on his own heart. He's taking a break from being straight. He likes the attention and affection. But he doesn't want it to be permanent. So he fools around with a guy attached to someone else. During sex Ryan thinks about girls. Why did Sam & Ryan fall in love? They spent too much time together. Too much s

What does he see in me? You may ask yourself Privately No need to wonder I'm self-conscious Average looks Overweight here Flabby there Erectile dysfunction Poverty stricken Far from perfect  What have I to offer? What does he see in me? I pay my own rent for this apartment If 90 percent of sex is mental I have to be kicking on all cylinders Content What he sees in me is Content You see it too Words on a screen I don't have charisma I have content I have something to say An artist I paint pictures with words Vistas of love and romance Some have music and choreography Prose Lyrics and Poetry Opinion is my property I create and share here For the world to see What does he see in me? Content I pay my own rent If 90 percent of sex is mental I have to be kicking on all cylinders He sees in person What you can only see In this love blog Content What he sees in me is Content When he's in my arms In my warm apartment What he sees in me is Content.

Embellishment exaggerated? I understand love was meant To be elevated Must there be so much hyperbole? When it comes to love There can never be enough poetry In Real Life You are but a few miles away In Love Life It's like a billion light years Far side of the universe  A trillion stars light up The pathway to your heart When I see you again Supernova! Explosion of emotion for the eons  That's no embellishment It's understatement of the ages Love Cannot Be Exaggerated.

Van Life My Ass! More like homeless I disagree Home is where the heart is Where the love is made A lot of love was made In my van In the minivan before Three years in the wilderness Your love was steady and sure My homeless van was our home of love I never hit rock bottom My house floats on romance You find my van in the forest Where we made love so many times Not again! Said my cat so many times You could have said goodbye Instead you stayed by my side When prostate cancer struck me down You stayed by my side When I thought of moving away You gave me counsel Asked me to stay here by your side Now I have a warm apartment A big fat tom cat And you are standing by my side In these pictures in this love blog Also in my heart there you are Van Life Hell Yes! Great while it lasted My homeless van was our home of love You're still standing by my side Home is where love is made My house floats on romance There is no rock bottom Wherever we make love Is home sweet home You and I standing s

Some people travel the world over Looking and searching forever The 7 seas / 7 continents Desert and jungle / Fire and ice 4 corners of the earth 7 wonders of the ancient world To feel how I feel with you My lover What we found by chance one day Others only dream of romance To take your breath away Some people walk a thousand miles Without rest To find what we stumbled upon We're so blessed They travel high and low Far and wide To find the intensity of love We have inside They look left / They look right Straight ahead and behind Without rest How we feel tonight We take for granted How blessed we are While empty hearts stumble in the dark Yearning for what I found in you My lover Some people travel the world over Never do they discover True meaning and love we found By accident Elusive ephemeral emotions  Heaven sent Magic and mystery keep us together Some people travel the world over Searching in all types of weather.

When you come to my house I escape to somewhere else In my mind / In my heart You're my great escape Make yourself at home Let yourself go Relax in my arms In cushions of charms When you visit my house From real life we escape When I think of your smile I escape to somewhere else My mind and soul find shelter You're my great escape A safe place for my heart To chill and snooze Sleep late in the bedroom A place for my love to stay You're my great escape You seem so far away Until you come to my house Run away to somewhere else You're my great escape From real life you and I A secret love life inside We escape to somewhere else When you come to my house Make yourself at home Let yourself go Relax in my arms In cushions of charms From real life we escape To somewhere else When you come to my house The place I go to get away You're my great escape To somewhere else When you come to my house You're My Great Escape.

You have to live a song To make it good Re-live a memory To make it great How nice it was  And might be again I feel like Superman When you're here But when you leave I'm weak again Trying to forget Another memory  How good it was When we made love I hope this love song is a good song Not another way to say So long It keeps me hopeful you will return In my heart another love song burns I felt like Superman Now I'm weak again Like a memory How nice it was  When we made love You have to live a song to make it good Re-live the memory to make it great.

Complete  Lyrics and Chords

"I love you in the most heterosexual way." Showed up in my YouTube feed today. 48m views. Posted 10 years ago. New-to-me videos keep popping up that should have appeared long ago. Here's my foray into the Bromance trope. It bubbled up to my most popular post. "Without the romance Call It Bromance ".

Beer for breakfast Whiskey for the soul  Love and grits No regrets to forget No hurt for dessert Jumbo hug for the heart Here's a tip for service No memory to chase away No history to wish away When your love is honest Beer for breakfast Love and grits No regrets No hurt for dessert Omelette for the heart Whiskey for the soul Beer For Breakfast.

Response to Matt in upper left panel. He says black guys are not his type. And he's not sure why. Let me go a little deeper. He's not attracted to blacks. As a defense mechanism his body is not aroused by black guys. He can't get an erection. The body tries to protect you from danger or disease. He's had a bad experience. In his past a black guy has broke either his heart or his jaw. Black gay guys are aware of this. What white gays and black gays have in common, likely to be gay-bashed by black guys. Why am I not attracted to black guys? Because I got beat up by black guys in high school. I can't get it up. It's in my body  In my case as an adult, I realized this paradox. Black gays are not the same as black guys in general. Despite my prejudice I dated a dozen black gay guys. I also dated a black transvestite, Miss Gay Charlottesville, a drag queen. His name was Lewis. He was pos and later died of AIDS. Still we had safe sex. I was able to perform. Because I&#

Something has changed Not the same New Guitar Old Flame Both unexpected It happened today  Too soon must you exit New Guitar stays He did his job flawlessly He played the saddest melody "Is this what lonely feels like?" D-G-D--E-E--F-D Our first performance Our first collaboration You our first audience New Guitar Old Flame First of many to serenade my baby Another tune to drive us crazy My guitar needs a name I decree he shall be called James He will play with me Keep me company When you are far away Practice every day Rehearse every night Until you return Your blue eyes to mine Being a muse is divine Private concert so romantic Followed by love-making so frantic New Guitar Old Flame When you appear unexpected James and I will play The latest love song you have inspired You're the only reason it was made Too soon must you exit I will write more lyrics  James will play the tune  Practice every day Rehearse every night For your private concert Whenever you return  Performa

Here I am once again Paper and Pen You're back on tour The one I'll be waiting for It's only been a few hours Since you walked out that door Here I am once again Paper and Pen Love letter for the world to see Holding your hand electronically A poem from the mushy part Of my happy heart Over the top exaggeration On the dot  The right location You lie awake and lonely You daydream of me only Everyone wants your attention They can't manage without supervision You seem to work 24/7 You will return to me Thank Heaven Meanwhile Here I am once again Paper and Pen Another poem to upload You left just hours ago A love letter for the ages Love of a lifetime To remind us both what we have Don't mean to boast or brag For all the world to see From the mushy part  Of my happy heart Holding hands electronically Here I am once again Paper and Pen.

Fried Green Tomatoes -- "You don't want to die here all alone" said Kathy Bates' character. "There are worse things" said the old lady who escaped the nursing home. For me I'm ok with being alone and single. Like a musician who practices hundreds of hours for a 5-minute performance. The purpose of the practice is to share with someone at some point. Playing alone has catharsis. The ultimate goal is to share. Like my love blog.  I'm in a relationship. But we're apart for long stretches. One of my fears is betrayal and STDs. It's not enough to be just honest in an open relationship (friend with benefits). As a demi-sexual, I need an emotional connection in order to have a sexual connection. So 20 days on Grindr in June drove me crazy. E-harmony wasn't much better. I learn repeatedly I have better luck in person. Sometimes a stranger will open up to me like we're soulmates. Because I'm not hiding anything. Whereas my boyfriend, who I

We share a walk to the creek We get lost in the trees Lost in talk and romance At the water's edge We dance We share the moment We have in common In this log cabin We make love with abandon Nothing can compare When we share the same air We enjoy wonderful delight Dancing under starlight Lost in rapture and romance Ready to take another chance We make love with abandon Lost in the moment We have in common Fall asleep in a log cabin No dream can compare When we share the same air We wake up at sunrise I look in your sleepy eyes We plan to spend the weekend Holding hands as love deepens We care for the moment What we have in common  Make love with abandon In this old log cabin Nothing can compare When we share the same air Our love is rare The sky is fair Passion scares me My heart dares me When we share the same air Same cabin Same desire The hearth warm with fire Nothing can compare When we share the same air Love is rare Sky is fair Passion scares me My heart dares me Nothing can c