Star date on star base (ep. 12)

I'm sitting in my quarters waiting for my bro date with William. To hike out to a romantic observation deck ostensibly for training & radar repair.

This poem pops to mind. I use the micro screen as the keyboard. The poem displays on the medium screen above my twin bed, which I made so as to impress William.

The micro & medium screens communicate in the local data flow. Only the micro can see & hear, camera & microphone.

There's a knock at the door. I stand up with a cramp in my gut. I open the door.

Me: "Come in William. I'll be ready in a minute. Gotta hit the head."

When I come out, he holds up a single finger for me to be quiet. He's recording audio on the micro as he reads my poem in dramatic fashion. Pausing between phrases. Speaking like he means it.

********************

There are no closets

In outer space

Nowhere for secrets 

To hide on star base

What happens here 

Doesn't stay here

The memories 

Go home with me

When I recall them to mind

They come back to life

I see & hear everything

Like I'm there in a lucid dream

In outer space there are no closets

On star base there are no secrets

Nowhere to run 

Nowhere to hide

Let the secret go

You might survive

Another day another year

Be it straight or be it queer

I don't want to forget

What happens here

How love 

Smacks me in the face

What I least expect 

In outer space

Where love happens 

It leaves a trace

It makes me homesick

Leaves me with heartbreak

Without a mind to remember

Without a heart to recall

What happens on star base

Would mean nothing at all

Look away back home

For true meaning

Bring away back home

The memories of my dreaming 

Look not for a closet

To hide your secret

When I shake your hand

A little too long

Then I squeeze it

No closet in outer space

Seek out a shelter 

For your thoughts & dreams

A safer place 

Where love is not a secret

It doesn't hide in a closet

It cannot destroy you

The heart has love on deposit

What happens here 

Doesn't stay here

The memories 

Fly away back home

Be they straight Be they queer

When your memory flies to me

I feel less alone

And I wish you were here

To hold your hand in outer space

There are no closets on star base

Only the memory of your face

And the new memories in its place 

Another day another year

Be it straight Be it queer

I don't want to forget

What happens here

In outer space there is no closet

The heart has love on deposit.

********************

He reads the final two stanzas after I emerge from the head. "Another day another year / Be it straight Be it queer [,,,] The heart has love on deposit."

William taps the screen. He speaks a command. "Micro screen: Send this audio to the profile of Specialist David."

Me: "Wow! I didn't know you were a poet."

William: "I'm not. My talent is dramatic reading. I can't write anything original."

Me: "Do you know what the poem means?"

William: "Yes I think I do."

He holds up a single finger for silence. He clears his throat & wets his lips for a dramatic delivery. He's making fun of himself.

"There are two places for love. In the closet your love is secret but not safe. In the heart your love is safe but not secret. The heart is a safe. Choose the heart for love."

Me: "Holy smokes! I think that's what It means. 

"I feel safe out here because I don't have any secrets. It's not a secret that I'm a romantic. That was prose read dramatically, right? You have such clarity."

William: "'Prose is for clarity. Poetry is for cloudy thoughts. The clouds are more interesting than a clear sky.'

"David. Somebody else wrote that. I didn't make that up."

We're both still standing in the narrow aisle between the twin beds. 

Me: "How did you get started with dramatic reading?"

We both sit down slowly at the same time on the same bed. William looks down at the floor, contemplating the answer. Then he looks at me with intensity.

William: "My fiancee. We met in a bookstore just before an open mic poetry reading.

"I was looking for an illustrated book on plumbing for my dad. She was looking for a poetry book. Opposite sides of the same aisle.

"We bumped into each other. Literally. She dropped a pile of papers. I started picking them up. We bumped our heads together.

"I noticed the pages were now out of order. I collated them quickly. I handed them to her. She read from them later at the reading. She was so beautiful.

"I said, 'I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you. Let me take you to dinner.'

"She said, 'Okay if you pass this simple test. Read a poem tonight at open mic.'

"She pulled a book from the shelf. In the table of contents, she pointed to a poem. I bought the book. I was the final speaker signed up. We fell in love. I forgot to get a book on plumbing. The rest is history."

Me: "What poem did you read?"

William: "'I'm So In Love With You.' Ever heard of it?"

Me: "Sounds familiar."

William holds up a single finger to announce dramatic delivery.

"I'm so in love with you

It ain't even funny

I'm so happy

I can't stop laughing

I know we just met

I felt a great reset

My heart skipped a beat

As I skipped down the street

Did we really think

Love could be discreet?

Did we truly believe

Love could be a secret?

I'm so in love with you 

I can't stop laughing."

Me: "That's so hot! I can't believe anyone would ghost you." Referring to William's hookup he talked about in the galley. "Is she really ghosting you? Maybe something happened."

William: "Yes. Lieutenant Paul checked into it. He encouraged me to send a message in the first place. But this poem is about my fiancee though."

Me: "Yes I know. This girl must not have known about your dramatic talent. Your fiancee fell in love with it.

"Like I feel myself falling in love with you. But I can't let myself. I have a fiance. I'm a slut. I already fucked the Lieutenant."

William: "What? Really? Boy you can't keep a secret. Lieutenant never made a pass at me. I'm just an average guy. Hey love is not a secret."

He pushes the front of my shoulder in a playful way. I shrug.

Me: "It was just a hookup. I love my boyfriend. I think. He sent me a message. He still loves me. This place should be called 'Star Base Temptation.'"

William: "I certainly don't want to break up a happy couple."

Me: "That's what you said last night in my dream."

William: "I meant it then. And I mean it now. We need to figure out how to be friends without falling in love. Where do we draw the line?"

He lays his head on my shoulder in a maudlin manner. Smiling & giggling. Okay. This is obviously horseplay between fraternity brothers.

I play along. I lay my head on his. I hug him.

Me: "I love you man."

William stands up. "Was it a video message? Can I see it?"

Me: "Sure "

Jacob's message plays. Then the rings of Saturn. Then I appear with my message.

William: "You felt guilty for fucking the lieutenant. And he helped you send your message?"

Me: "Yes."

William: "He should be the captain."

Me: "And Jacob resembles the captain from a distance. This is only my second day. I'm super confused."

William: "No you're not. You know you love Jacob. You know he loves you. There's no doubt.

"I must respect your limits. As your new bro friend, I have to help you two stay together. Make sure you get married on Saturn Outpost."

Me: "Maybe you can be my best man."

William reaches out his hand for a handshake. "It's a deal. Wait! We need a secret handshake."

I stand up. His other hand grabs my outer upper arm. He squeezes three times while shaking hands.

Me: "You sure it's a secret? Nobody else has it?"

William: "No. We can always change it."

I reach out with my other hand & squeeze his shoulder three times. Then he squeezes my shoulder again. I squeeze his again & again.

It may be lighthearted horseplay. But I feel us bonding. I feel the sexual tension fade away. It's platonic body contact for now. We break ourselves apart.

William: "Okay. Let's get serious. Let's go over the procedure & protocol. We have to submit a flight plan because the edge is so dangerous. We need an itinerary."

I bring up the schematic with a path drawn from here through the "spoke" hallway to the romantic overlook at the edge of the star base.

William: "Perfect! Computer Transcribe: Two Hour Excursion for training, to assess damage from meteor shower if any. Team: William in charge plus David. Duration: 2 hours. Computer: End Transcribe."

And magically those words appear on the screen as part of our flight plan.

William: (To David) "Why is it so dangerous out there? In the pictures everything looks so normal. 

"There's no life support. No air. No air pressure. No heat. It's what people mean when they say 'cold-ass outer space '. So we'll wear sexy long underwear under the space suit.

"It's dangerous because it's disorienting. Gravity is around 120% and at weird angles. You get used to it. But you are weak from hyper sleep. So you will be tired. Me too. We won't stay long enough to acclimate.

"Also maybe you could work on the report this evening during your deck duty. Run a diagnostic. What's broken? How long to fix? How much manpower? Stuff like that. You'll see examples.

"I will add to it on my shift when I relieve you at midnight. Ahh that didn't come out right.

"Then I'll ask for the rest of Monday off as a down day. So we both can recuperate.

"I'll submit the report at 6 a.m. when Lieutenant relieves me. You can check the local data stream for the finished report, schedule change approvals,  messages.

"How does that sound to you David?"

William puts a hand on each of my upper arms. He squeezes three times. He makes eye contact.

Me: "Sounds like you're trying to seduce me. It's working."

William: "I'm trying to get your blood flowing so you can be alert. Are you confident? Is your morale high? Are you high?"

Me: "Let's go! What the hell are we waiting for?"

William: "You. We're waiting on you. Put on this sexy underwear. Put on the space suit. Attach this cable from you to the micro screen. Stuff it in your cargo pocket. 

"Take a still pic of you & me holding hands...I mean, shaking hands at time of departure. Let's go."

Out we go from room number 5. Down the long shiny hallway of empty quarters. Through a hermetic door into another long hallway. Past the galley. Past the fitness room.

William: "Okay. Beyond this next door is an air lock. Then no atmosphere. Put down the shield. Seal up. Check the comms. Let's go."

I'm sweating already in my long underwear. It's only one mile to the edge. The hall becomes larger & grander. Other halls converge as the main hall enlarges still. I'm not sweating anymore in the extreme cold despite increasing exertion.

William: "How are you doing David?" 

He makes eye contact to make sure I'm alert. I give a thumbs up.

William: "In space we don't use the thumbs up.  We don't know which way is up or down. We use the 'ok' symbol."

I give the gesture. We enter a huge ornate theater. Frozen in time. Frozen literally. We walk on through.

We enter the observation deck right next to the bar. In the middle you see nothing but stars. In one edge of the room, you can start to see infrastructure. This radar appears to have obvious damage.

As I take pictures at a distance, William stands behind me. He leans his body against mine. He says:

"This is pretty romantic. A couple all alone. The heavens smiling at us. A sense of purpose. A sensation of intimacy. 

"We're in a data dead spot. Like every room has an audio dead spot. No one can see or hear us make love."

His breathing is heavy and exaggerated. The melodramatic delivery of these lines is funny. How could any girl help but fall in love with William?

I let my body lean back against his. He reaches around. He grabs my crotch. I look at the unfamiliar stars.

My erection grows. William strokes it through my space suit & long underwear.  I lean further back into his arms. He strokes faster. Squeezes my shaft three times. I shoot my wad.

Me: "Whew! Whenever we do that, can I call you Jacob to remind you & to remind myself that I'm engaged to be married?"

William: "Only if I can call you David. And lean on you sometime. Let's head back if you're ready."

The return trip seems quicker. William walks ahead of me. I keep looking at his ass. So far what they say about space is true. You can't stop thinking about sex.

He drops me off at my quarters room number 5. His is next door number 3. Who knew?

Once again I'm alone with my thoughts and memories. 

And a dramatic audio recording of a romantic poem to send to Jacob. He'll know what "Be it straight Be it queer" means. Straights will think it's a forced rhyme for normal and strange.

I have a new memory. A happy memory. I'm not sure how to tell Jacob about this rendezvous in a sports analogy. Maybe I don't have to. I don't feel guilty.

Maybe I should keep it a secret. A bro date to remember. To repeat in other dead spots. In other closets. 

My morale is high.

Episode 13