Complicated Gay Love

Six Minutes of Reassurance Rainy day means booty call It used to I called today Hello it's raining You can't get away I just called to hear your voice I called to say I was thinking of you I miss and love you What about you? You feel the same way too I'm so sentimental on hormone blockers I need to stop watching All these sad gay soap operas Snap out of it I hear your voice How I love it Like an angel of joy I am reassured My eyes are dried My heart is satisfied Six minutes on the phone Put my mind at rest Let my soul reset On this rainy day Six Minutes Of Reassurance.

I chose this card because it sounds like something I would write. It looks like my handwriting. It has space at the end for me to add a stanza. Valentines is two weeks from today. I will give it to my boyfriend next time I see him. Never wait because tomorrow may be too late.  "We're So Good Together I love the way we know each other heart and soul. I love how we keep learning and laughing together along the way. I love our shared dreams, our wild adventures, and our peaceful moments side by side. I love growing closer as time goes by. I love our yesterdays, our todays, our forevers -- and most of all, I love you. Happy Valentine's Day"  (American Greetings card) I added-- From me to you Your eyes of blue After all these years I still love you.

This TV movie about AIDS resonated in 1985. It resonates more today because of similarities with the Covid response.  I remember well. I turned 20 in 1984. I thought the hysteria would drive gays back in the closet. Instead they came out in a wave. Pride marches came to my sleepy home town. My ex-boyfriend died of AIDS. We had lots of unsafe sex when I was 17 to 18. He had a new book of crazy words. Wordplay together is extremely romantic. He caught HIV after we broke up. He was a year older than me. He died at age 25. While so many were outed by cause of death, I went into the closet. Into the military. I would get laid once or twice a year while on leave. My West Point cadet romance was '85 to '88. We hooked up 4 or 5 times total. Since I finished college and returned to civilian life, I've dated a few pos guys. One I was close to until he died. We practiced safe sex. I was willing to take a chance because I'm a demi-sexual. I need an emotional connection to have a se...

Never argue unless holding hands Unless touching Unless hugging Unless looking in your eyes Argue only between kisses Take all the blame for any messes When you're right Say you're wrong All you have really is a love song Another poem for the heart Never argue Unless holding hands.

I knew I was a writer Before I knew I was gay My first piece was third grade A paragraph Why you smell A cake baking in the oven The oven is over there Your nose is over here Hint / It's not magic Or is it by another name? How do I know you love me? You're over there I'm over here Too far away to smell or touch I must rely on tender words Sight and sound Our shared memories and history Confidence and Faith that you love me I knew I was a writer Before I knew I was gay How do I know you love me still? In my heart / It's what I feel You're over there I'm over here I can't smell it like a cake But I can feel the heartache History of joyful memories Or is it cocky confidence? Based on a third grade analogy Faith that you still love me I was a writer before I was gay.

I was overcome with tears & sobs at the end of this movie. Tears of joy. Memories of my own father. In the film the father accepts his gay son Jeff (Russell Crowe). He expects he'll have take care of the sick son some day because of the AIDS epidemic. But it's the son who cares for the father, who has a stroke New Years Eve after his new-found lady friend feels betrayed that her new boyfriend didn't tell her his son is gay. Meanwhile one day pushing the father's wheelchair to the park, Jeff sees his ex-lover. He goes over to talk. Jeff returns giddy & transformed by love. The father sees the transformation & approves. Tears of joy for the son's happiness. I remember my father never really accepted me. I came back home to take care of him sick with leukemia. He later died from pancreatic cancer while I was at a gay bar. Two of my aunts came down to give me a break from caretaking.  Previously my dad got drunk one night & said gay slurs to me. Why do I...

Fun, sexy & gay. Tommy & Johnny shirtless dance number. 9 minutes. Did I mention fun?

"I've never been the kind To ever let my feelings show I thought that being strong Meant never losing your self-control But I'm just drunk enough To let go of my pain To Hell with this pride Let it fall like rain From my eyes Tonight I Wanna Cry."

Love you so hard When I sit on the porch Love you so much When I soak in the bath Love you so long When I recall the past Love you so hot Every other thought I love you so hard Please don't break my heart If we argue If my feelings are hurt I'm not going anywhere No ghost No door to slam My head in your lap It's hard to talk about But here I am Holding your hand Saying how I feel My feelings are hurt I'm not going anywhere I'm here with you to work it out Because I Love You So Hard Please don't break my heart I love you so much.

"Take a look at me now I'm just an empty space  You coming back to me Is Against All Odds It's a chance I've got to take."