Star date on star base (ep. 8)

Here I am back in my personal quarters. Alone with my thoughts & memories.

Room number 5. Full-length wall mirror. One messy twin bed. A box of uniforms on the other bed. The piston chair has timed out & folded into the floor. 

So the room seems more spacious. I toss the micro screen on the made bed. There's a medium screen above each bed on the wall. A multitude of panels, cabinets, closets.

But first I must hit the head. All that traditional food I just ate. First solid food since before 3-month hyper sleep. I'm not feeling too good.

Back in the room. Remember the captain said trust your training. Let me try to operate one of these medium screens.

I speak audible commands. "Activate screen." Nothing happens except in the corner of my eye, the micro screen lights up.

This is strange. Wait a minute. Lieutenant said, "No cameras or microphones in personal quarters. Not supposed to be."

Well I just brought one in here. The micro screen probably has a camera also. The screen displays the most recent activity. Side by side, William & John.

I lean over my bed & touch the screen. It lights up. It mirrors the micro screen. William & John in larger dimension.

I pause for a minute to look at their dossier photo & hyper links. I sit on the made bed. I still can't figure out if they're gay or straight or bi. Does it really matter? 

Even the Lieutenant is ambiguous. Gay married to woman with children. I'm the only sure thing. I'm sure I'm gay all the way all the time. I'm sure Jacob is gay.

Or am I? That's the question. The more questions, the less confidence. First day at new duty, you're supposed to have questions. Are these the right questions?

I stand up, reach over my bed & touch the screen's back button. It displays me & Jacob side by side. Wow!

I feel light headed seeing Jacob's face next to mine. In this moment I feel so guilty for hooking up with Lieutenant Paul. 

Is that cheating? Or was it camaraderie sex? It wasn't romantic. But I was thinking about Lieutenant Paul as I fucked him.

I wasn't thinking about Jacob. If I had been, would that mean it's okay? I can't tell Jacob something like this in a platonic letter of brotherly love through the hyper data link.

I tap the the 4-way icon. All 4 most recent photos display on the screen. Me & Jacob above William & John.

I'm dizzy. I sit back down. I stare at the screen. I'm nauseated. Going to throw up soon.

I look at William. I just made a pass at him. He rejected me. Sort of. He's okay with buddy sex. But he could never feel romance for another guy. He could never love me. He has clarity.

Then I look at Jacob. I'm confused. What am I doing?

I stand up, lean over my bed, one hand against the wall. The other hand on my forehead when it's not tapping the screen.

I hit the back icon. Jacob & Captain Chris appear side by side. Click back again. Jacob's dossier appears. 

I notice the micro screen is stepping back in synch. It remembers what Lieutenant displayed on the big screen on command deck before Captain's briefing.

I back up until it gets to my profile. I see I have messages. The medium screen can't hear or see me. It doesn't have to.

I stand in the aisle holding my upset stomach. 

I tap the messages icon. Sorted by most relevant or most recent messages first.

It's Jacob! He has sent a bunch of messages. Text & VIDEO! I tap the most recent video.

He's in a cockpit alone. He's the co-pilot flying the craft while the pilot is elsewhere in the plane presumably. It's a 60-second file.

I can see the rings of Saturn behind him through the cockpit window. The speaker works.

He's grinning with excitement. He says:

"Hey David. It's been a while. Yo dude! Guess where I am. Flying by Saturn Outpost.

They have a good soccer team this year. Should go to the playoffs.

You should be out of hyper sleep by now. Beauty sleep. You need all you can get.

Let me know you're okay. I miss you man."

For the final seconds, he holds the micro screen against the glass. My eyes water. I'm so moved by seeing & hearing Jacob from just a few days ago. And the spectacular view.

I can't hold back. My stomach cramps. I dart to the head. I throw up all that solid traditional real food. Heave after heave. I ate too much.

I return to the bedroom quarter. It's quiet & lonely. The screens have timed out & gone dark. 

I feel so ashamed. First day I've already fucked an officer & made a pass at an enlisted man. I have betrayed Jacob.

I touch the screen. It comes to life. I tap replay. 

I study Jacob's face. His eyes. His boyish grin. The 5 o'clock shadow. His awkward movements as he floats. Holding a micro screen in one hand. The other hand gripping the craft.

He's probably breaking some rule. I can only see him & Saturn. So no military secrets were sent through hyper stream.

I don't see any hint that he's hiding something. He promised to save himself for me. While I've been a slut.

How can I send him a video message? He will see dishonesty in my eyes. Betrayal. Oh man! What have I done? I'm incapable of keeping secrets.

I can't compose a message now. I feel better with an empty stomach.

I need to find the fitness room & work out before 8 o'clock deck duty. Work out HARD!

The medium screen dims. It can't see me. I tap to wake up screen. I tap back icon. The base schematic appears. I zoom in.

I am auto hooked up to the base's local data flow. I quickly locate the fitness room. The micro screen is also on local data. The sub-stream Lieutenant created has ended.

I wash my face & hands. Brush my teeth & mouth wash. I'm not sure what to wear. Will it be cold in there or a sauna?

So I wear everything. Shorts under track pants. Socks under deck shoes. Tank under Tshirt under jacket. I grab the micro screen.

Here I go.

Episode 9