Star date on star base (ep. 7)

I load up my tray with real food. I come back to the table & sit directly across from William. I lean toward him. He leans toward me. I ask in a secretive manner:

"Is John straight? Or gay? What's his deal?" Maybe William has some clarity about John.

He responds, "I don't know for sure. You'll have to ask him what causes the tingle in his pants."

William is definitely flirting with me. Music starts to play. Uptempo romantic jazzy music. That can mean only one thing. We don't want the camera to hear our conversation.

Lieutenant Paul sits next to me. He's still wearing shorts. We all have the same uniforms. Mix & match for the season & occasion.

John sits next to William directly across from Lieutenant. Still chewing a piece of meat, Lieutenant says:

"Captain wants us to get to know each other." He takes a few swallows to wash down the chewy steak. "I will start it off."

Lieutenant continues as the swanky music plays in the background.

"Why the hell did I volunteer for this shit hole duty station? It was greed, I tell ya. Lot of bonuses & hazardous duty pay. This is my second tour here.

"My beautiful wife & two daughters are back on Earth. When I leave here, I'll have enough to retire, support my wife & myself & my daughters.

"Wife's a lesbian. We married for convenience. So nobody would suspect either of us is gay. We were high school friends.

"We had sex four times. Got two daughters I love like crazy. I've been on this base two & a half years. Another year & a half to go. Maybe I'll stay another tour to make sure we have enough. And get promoted to captain."

Lieutenant starts eating again. There's a long pause as we take that in. John seems a little surprised like me. William seems calm, like he's heard this before.

William starts. "I'll go next. 

"I was in love with a woman. Seems like forever. We were engaged. She finally got pregnant. We lost the baby.  She called off the wedding.

"We grew apart. I was heart-broken. I wanted to kill myself. But I couldn't. So I chose this remote austere isolated station, knowing so much death has occurred out here. Maybe I would get lucky & die.

"I don't feel that way anymore. You guys are my family. 

"When I arrived on base three months,  ago, a female crew member was exiting. We overlapped for 24 hours. We had an affair.

"I sent her a couple messages. She hasn't responded. I'm being ghosted. That's where I stand."

William gulps his drink. He looks at John seated next to him. The music becomes softer as if the universe is leaning in to hear what John has to say.

"I came home from work on Alpha colony several light years from Earth-Sun. 

"My wife & three sons & daughter were gone. The entire village was gone. Blown up by terrorists. It was bombarded by a star ship in orbit. 

"It was a meaningless death. There was no counter-attack. No retribution. We were not even on the news. 

"My whole family was killed over time. One after the other. My parents when I was ten. My sister walking back from school. My brother was stabbed to death at a bar downtown Saturday night.

"I was in a rage all day & all night. I wanted revenge. I was having a nervous breakdown. I couldn't control my emotions.

"Then I met a guy at the refugee camp. He too had lost everybody. He understood what I was going through. 

"We started working out together. Hard! It was the only way we could control our emotions. The hurt & emptiness that kept us awake at night 

"We both agreed to join the navy. We wanted this famous star base for duty. Because of all the movies they made here. And the bonuses. 

"Plus we would relocate to Earth solar system with full veteran benefits. To start our lives over. We would marry Earth brides. My children would play with his children.

"When I came to the fitness area one day, I didn't see Jesse anywhere. His real name was Jesus, believe it or not. He hated his proper name. He was gunned down walking from the grocery.

"I was still signed up to serve on Star Base Freedom, Independence, Equality. The base has different names in different movies.

"So here I am."

William reaches out for John's hand. He brings it over to his own knee & keeps holding it. Nobody thinks it's sexual. It's one guy comforting another guy in a manly way.

Suddenly the music becomes faster & more intense. John is choked up. Tears roll out of his eyes & down his face. 

He was looking at me. Telling his story to me. I'm the only one who hasn't heard it before. I definitely had tears in my eyes.

My story is next. I feel ashamed to tell it. It's so trivial compared to what I just heard. Everybody is looking at me. Waiting for my story.

"I fell in love with a man named Jacob at Final Dance. Tons of pictures in my dossier. We thought we had a secret love. Looking back, everybody knew.

"His parents wanted him to get married to a woman. We wanted to marry each other. But we had obligatory service. So we decided to wait.

"He went off to Space Rangers. Sorta like Coast Guard inside the solar system.

"He came back on leave after a year with another year to go. We argued. I told him I signed up for this place. 

"I would see him in two & a half years. He's worried something might happen to me out here.

"When I get back, we are going to move together to Saturn Outpost, where gay marriage is legal. We will live happily ever after as husband & husband. 

"But we will lose our families. They will disown us. We will never see them again. It's not orbital bombardment. Might as well be.

"Today is my first day here. He was angry when I left. As Lieutenant suggested, I'm going to start a stream of platonic messages. 

"He'll know it's romantic love disguised as brotherly love. He gives me a reason to wake up every morning with a smile. Even way out in cold-ass outer space."

There's nothing left to say. We start eating again.

Captain enters the galley. I start to stand up. Lieutenant prevents that with his hand on my shoulder & says:

"Captain on deck!" Captain addresses the group with a single word. "Gentlemen." He fixes himself a to-go tray of food.

Lieutenant says to me. "Galley is like the head. You can't stand at attention if you're chewing a mouthful of food."

Captain stops at the table, looks at me & says:

"David. Your first 4-hour deck duty is tonight. I'll be in & out checking on you. You can tell your story to me. I'll tell you my story. What's my deal? Gentlemen."

Captain Chris exits the galley. The group begins to disperse & bus the tables. William & John are stowing the hot food.

Lieutenant says to me:

"It's a test. First assignment always is. Make sure you're on time. Schedule in the micro screen. Set the alarm clock.

"You probably can't sleep. So write to Jacob. Tell him about your first day. You woke up safely. But don't say you hooked up with an officer already.

"Tell him you miss him. You can't wait to play basketball & cruise the ladies. Jacob is your favorite wing man. Stuff like that. He will know it's a love letter."

Lieutenant exits the galley. I see William & John putting away the setup. They move together like a couple. I feel like the third wheel.

I go to my quarters to rest. To have alone time with my thoughts & memories. They seem to get more complicated by the minute.

Episode 8