Cadet Romance

 

Another routine date. We're planning two special dates later this summer.

Meanwhile I told my boyfriend I've been reminiscing about a romance in the 1980s. About two decades before I met my boyfriend. Here's the story.

After attending the West Point prep school, I decided not to go to West Point but instead go to college on an ROTC scholarship. 

So I spent the summer on active duty in a mostly empty campus. 

I made a friend. We hung out together quite a bit for a couple weeks. Then I made a pass at him. After that, we were no longer friends. This made me more hesitant & more closeted. 

Later that summer I met a West Point cadet. We became friends. No matter how close we got, I was determined to stay in the closet. I didn't want to lose another friend.

One afternoon we went to the on-base cinema to see Ghostbusters. There was a long line. The movie had started when we finally entered the crowded theater.

When we sat down, our legs touched. And they didn't un-touch until the movie was over.  

I remember being nervous. Sexual tension. I didn't want to lose another friend. Maybe the body contact was platonic. I didn't remember the movie content & had to watch it again years later.

During the end credits, the back of my hand touched the back of his hand. Then we held hands for a few seconds. We made eye contact. That sealed the deal. We stood up.

While walking back to the barracks, we both knew everything was different. In my room we could talk about it. He said that if I hadn't reached out to hold his hand, we wouldn't be together here & now. 

Behind a locked door, we had sex. He was the top in this relationship. So I was the bottom. 

We hooked up a couple times more that summer. Then we didn't see each other for a couple years. 

I went off to college in Raleigh North Carolina. I rented a room in a big house off campus with a guy & his girlfriend, his brother, another guy attending the college.

They told me they had a secret. They were worried I might turn them in since I appeared straight-laced & in the military.

They smoke pot. I said, that's your secret? I won't tell anybody. Besides I smoke sometimes myself.

Then I said, I too have a secret. I'm gay despite being in ROTC coming off of active duty. So I won't bring girls home. But a guy friend might come over & "have too much to drink" & spend the night on occasion.

From there I once drove to Fayetteville outside Fort Bragg. My cadet lover, now a second lieutenant, made love to me in his hotel room.

But when he came to see me in Raleigh like a year later, I had changed. I had met someone in my hometown who talked about being serious. But it was still casual, only a few dates.

So I had two long distance relationships at the same time.

I still had sex with my West Point cadet on his visit to my place. It would be the last time. We lost touch with each other.

I told him about my hometown romance. That relationship would fizzle after a few months. But this time we remained friends with benefits & occasional co-workers until March 2003.

I came to work one day & he was mad at me for some reason. The boss sent us to lunch to work it out.

My friend & ex-lover harbored resentment because, a couple months earlier, he & I went to an out-of-state sex club together. A gay orgy.

But I was more popular than him. So he thought. 

I spent most of my time with just one guy. We went off together like a couple. We later exchanged "thanks for the good time" cards in the mail. But the distance was too much for us to carry on.

I didn't know my friend was having difficulty getting laid at an orgy. But I did know a true friend would be glad to see me get lucky.

So my hometown lover turned friend was no longer my friend. The guy for whom I stopped seeing my West Point cadet.

When I look back on my life of romance, how confused I was, how complicated things were, I appreciate my current boyfriend of 18 years more than ever.

Love is not the only glue. I learned how to communicate. Talk about my feelings. How to keep a relationship alive with passion.

These memories of past boyfriends can't compare to the one I have now. The one in the picture above. The one who inspires this entire blog.

The one I have loved more than all the rest.

SPIN-OFF POEM Where Are You Now?