How Doubt Is Created

My boyfriend stood me up this morning. 

We agreed one week ago to meet at the gym. He could have cancelled at the last minute 9 o'clock.

I called him & left a message after my hour-long workout. He called within the hour.

He's a busy man. Another slogan of our relationship is you cancel a date as soon as you find out you can't make it. You don't wait until the last minute.

But times have changed. I don't have a busy schedule because I'm retired. He's semi-retired albeit ten years older than me.

I had a week of happy longing for today. Good feelings of faith. Have faith in love, remember? 

Our dating is due for a slow-down. It ebbs & flows. In June we hooked up nine times. But only once last October.

The Doubt 

Why would he stand me up? What if he met a trick this morning on the way to our date? What if he was calling from the trick's house? 

If he can cheat on his wife with me, why can't he cheat on both of us with a third? What if this is the beginning of another breakup?

What evidence do I have for any of this doubt? He stood me up. That's all. From that I speculate all these negative thoughts. 

What happened to Have Faith In Love?

Yeah I have doubt now. But I had seven days of blissful faith. I knew the road would get bumpy. I know the relationship is as good as the most recent date. Memories fade fast.

We re-scheduled the date for two days from now. What if he stands me up again?

For me I must remember the good times. I created this blog out of love. The blog isn't going anywhere. I'm Not Faking My Love song became the most popular post.

My boyfriend will read this post to me on the next date. So we'll talk about it. He probably was busy & I slipped his mind.

Maybe I should spank him good so there won't be a next time. So he won't forget. 

Maybe he can look me in the eye & say, You slipped my mind, Sir. The mixed message was unintentional.

Of course I send mixed signals. It's not a big deal. Then all this doubt is created. We're both big balls of confusion with the image of certainty.

How can my boyfriend reassure me of his love? Maybe he can make love extra special.

Now I have to postpone the romantic float down the cool river next week. But I'm waiting to tell him. My back hasn't healed since injury ten days ago.

I have no plans to stand him up as payback. Then he would have doubt. What kind of love is that?